(NOTE: This the same article posted on my other site, Love Through the Darkness, But it pertains to both groups. Sorry for the duplicate if your’re subscribed to both.)
Postponement of happiness is a problem.
Waiting until we achieve______, whether it is a specific income, finding your soul-mate (or dumping that loser), owning your home, or a status, position or title, before deciding to be happy has squandered many days of life. I suppose since I have hit my life “halfway point” in this life since turning 60, I think about these things. (Not all the time, mind you, I really not that morbid.)
In my reading I stumbled across an article in the British Medical Journal about life enjoyment. Here it is: https://www.bmj.com/content/355/bmj.i6267. But its a dry article (shocking) and it gets better summarized here: https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/314711#Almost-one-quarter-of-people-experienced-no-life-enjoyment.
And if you’re super lazy and have midterms or are in the epicenter of a crisis-driven life, I will further summarize it for you, because that’s what I’m really good at. Here it is:
“You will live longer, and with less illness if you perceive to enjoy life more.”
Duh, right? But listen to this. Out of almost 10,000 people in this study, only 34% reported high enjoyment while nearly 24% of the study reported no life enjoyment at all. Twenty-four percent! No life enjoyment!
We all have moments when life sucks and we find ourselves staring out the greasy window of the struggle bus. But our ability to recover from these moments drives our ability to not only survive, but to enjoy life.
If I were to ask 100,000 people this question:
“What is the most precious thing you possess?”
I would get a myriad of responses, many of which would be values, faith, your rugged good looks, their pet Gerbil Henry, etc. but I bet the most prevalent response would be simply, “My life”, “Living”, “Being alive”. Or some such thing. And if we get to have “life”, why not enjoy it? I recently had an opportunity to spend some time with the legendary Tony Robbins. One of his famous quotes is: “Life doesn’t happen TO you; Life happens FOR you.” And if my life is for me, shouldn’t it be enjoyable? I suppose we have to define enjoyable, because I was really struggling with a workout today. I was cranky, stiff and my shoulder quit before I did. But I stopped to assess the situation and asked myself if I was having a good time. Indeed I was! I was challenging my mind, willpower, and resolve, as well as my shoulder.
Enjoyment does not mean it is easy. In the early days of Kim’s sensational healing from a traumatic brain injury, I was not enjoying the challenges, nor the endless internal struggles. Even as I look back and have the benefit of hindsight, it still sucked. Even today as I was interviewed by Dr. Gilles LaMarche for Today’s Conversations with Leadership, we got to talking about some specific moments in the early months after the wreck. He and I immediately got choked up and nearly derailed the rest of the interview (release date of that interview will be Valentine’s Day, coincidentally). This clearly points to the hair-trigger emotional cascade that ensues after a trauma pathway is reactivated.
But it’s about perspective. I know now I can withstand much more pain and discomfort than I thought. This gives me strength and confidence moving forward in life.
Enjoyment is a perspective, and it takes active implementation to make it work. As I prepare to host late term chiropractic students and recently graduated doctors in a program called Design Your Life (DYL), I use the phrase “Live your life by design, not by default.”
Life’s rich demands won’t always allow us to design everything that we experience, but our lives are played out according to our internal narrative or story, which is predicated on our state of being. That state of being is one hundred percent within our control at all times, although we may not have the tools or have practiced enough to implement those tools. What are some of the simplest tools?
Gratitude: This is the heavy-hitter of all tools to bring me into a better state. Who can be miserable, sad or angry and grateful at the same time? Exactly. I recommend a notebook next to your bed to be used as a Gratitude Journal. Write at least 3 things you are grateful for. Think about them and feel gratitude. I have done this for years and I always notice when I stop. I have since expanded that journal to include Proud-of-Me Moments, Appreciations and Moments of Forgiveness. I jot down 3 things in each category (they can overlap and repeat) before I go to sleep. Not only do I sleep better but it sets my perspective as one who looks for things to be grateful for or appreciate. Game Changer.
Change Your Environment: Take a break. Go across town to eat or if you can, to a foreign country to vacation. The change will open the door to fresh perspectives and brighter thoughts.
Physical Movement: Workout hard or easy, go for a walk, take a dance class, jump rope, or simply do deep, vigorous breathing, all while thinking of a victorious or blissful moment in time. The next one,
Return to Nature is well-document to improve your outlook on life. The Japanese have implemented the term “forest bathing” since 1982.
Give Hugs: If your giving them, you’re getting them (and we all know that video).
Another one to keep in mind is to identify with your purpose. This is the essence of the DYL Mission: “To serve humanity at maximum capacity while ever-expanding our reach.” A simple, “I am here to be the best version of myself” can go a long way to becoming happier, even in the moment.
Those who’s experience of life is categorized as “enjoyable” live longer, but they also live a richer life, regardless of how much money they have or don’t have, how healthy they are or not, or whether or not they are in a satisfying relationship. The perspective of “Life is Good” crosses all categories to be the great equalizer amidst a “good life”. The good news is that you have full control of your perspective.
So take a look. Do you love life? Is it enjoyable? Are you happy right now? If the answer is no, you have the power to change the trajectory right now. As Stephen King writes in Different Seasons, (which became the movie Shawshank Redemption):
“Get busy living or get busy dying.”
Love, Dr. Danny