Success, But...
Let me now speak of failure.
Let me now speak of failure.
Failure is described most often as a ‘lack of success”. It is the opposite of success, which is described as “the accomplishment of an aim or intent.” This surely has the markings of something that is repulsive to most of us. Who could possibly want failure? Yet all of us have done it. Before our conscious minds have even fully developed, we experienced failure in this light. As we learned to walk, we fell repeatedly and often. Thomas Edison wrote, when asked if he was discouraged at failing to create successful inventions,
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
He believed that negative results were just as important as positive ones, as they helped him refine his inventions and ultimately achieve success. Hmmmm… “negative results.’ That is most certainly a more mature view of the concept of ‘failure’.
In my short tenure as faculty clinician at a chiropractic college, I have seen, on numerous occasions, the word failure bantered about, presumably because it is a graduate program of intense attrition. The thing that a graduate student will not permit themselves to succumb to, is failure. Too much time, energy, and money have been applied to the success of attaining a degree than to permit something as ghastly as failure to cloud the crystal future of a promising career.
And yet, my own experience in attaining a doctorate degree as well as experiencing life, failure has orbited around nearly every endeavor I have attempted. I had failures in sports, dating, parenting, schooling, and business.
When I was in chiropractic college, I was a good student. Yet I feared failing courses. As I began to take more and more credit hours each quarter in the hopes of graduating early, I began to mentally break down. As I reached a pinnacle of 36 credits in a quarter, I struggled to keep up with my duties as a scholarship athlete, my responsibility to my friends and even my personal health. I then reeled back the number of hours I was taking and achieved a new level of ease. When I reached Student Clinic - a point where we adjusted and documented the care of our classmates-turned-patients, I breezed through it, finishing my requirement earlier in the quarter than most. The following quarter, however, I failed in my first attempt to make my requirements for the passing of outpatient clinic. There, we had to get “real” people from society in to the clinic and care for them. It wasn’t the knowledge of what I would do once they were in the clinic, it was how to get them into the school’s large outpatient clinic.
I failed. It was my first time and it stunned me. I immediately took the wrong road, not having developed the strong positive mindset I enjoy today. I thought “I’m just not cut out for this.” “I’m no good.” “I picked the wrong profession.” It was a ceaseless parade of negative thoughts marching through my mind day and night. Making matters worse, I became jealous and envious of my friends who passed. In my mind, I belittled their successes, telling myself they “had more time”, “better connections”, or “were blessed with traits” I did not possess. I finally did something that took (at the time) an amazing amount of effort: I asked for help. In that I assumed that everyone I spoke with had great, truthful, and wise advice. This, it turned out was another “mistake”. I eventually figured out how to utilize my own strengths and gifts to pass each clinical quota until I graduated.
This set me back in my projected graduation date. Not only would I not graduate ahead or even with my starting classmates, I would eventually graduate six months behind them. For that I was mortified. I failed at the gamble to graduate on time. And I really beat myself up about it.
But guess what?
These failures gave me the time to study for my state exams. These failures put me in contact with my wife, Dr. Kim, who graduated 15 months behind my original graduation date. Had I not failed, I would likely never have met her. That alone reversed that particular failure into a win of Olympic gold medal proportions. Had I hit my mark, I would have likely gone off and been in a most serious relationship with someone else.
“Failure is a bend in the road, not the end of the road.” These words were given to me by my late mentor, Dr. Charles Ward. And they stuck with me and allowed me to rethink and rewire my brain to focus on what I can control. It helped me to reconnect to my true goals, not simply the steps or milestones approaching that goal. So many good sayings come from this concept:
“Keep your eyes on the prize”
“Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the goal.”
“Every Big Shot was once a Little Shot who kept on shooting.”
“Your first is your worst”
“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” And my favorite, “Every Master was once a Disaster”. The point herein are the slogans, “embrace the suck”, “No pain, no gain.” And the ubiquitous, “Just Do It”.
How can we transcend the concept of failure as an endpoint? What else have I done that can be thought of as a failure but wasn’t? When I was writing my book, I wanted to quit many times. Not solely because it was hard, but because I believed I was not really a writer, let alone an author. But the driving force to completing it was a sense that the book may help another human being in their suffering. I could fail, but the publishing of the book could not.
I encourage you to list your “failures” of the past and see if they have not enhanced your life in some way that could not have happened unless this stumble occurred. Most importantly, I encourage you to look quickly upon your failures of today as an opportunity to triumph still. As my friend, Niurka constantly says, “Get curious.” Do not pass judgement too quickly on an event or outcome that did not go as planned. Perhaps it is for the best.
I have failed many times as a parent, husband, teacher, doctor, and friend. No one said it better than this:
Every Warrior of the Light
has felt afraid of going into battle.
Every Warrior of the Light
has, at some time in the past, lied or betrayed someone.
Every Warrior of the Light
has trodden a path that was not his.
Every Warrior of the Light
has suffered for the most trivial of reasons.
Every Warrior of the Light
has, at least once, believed he was not a Warrior of the Light.
Every Warrior of the Light
has failed in his spiritual duties.
Every Warrior of the Light
has said 'yes' when he wanted to say 'no.'
Every Warrior of the Light
has hurt someone he loved.
That is why he is a Warrior of the Light,
Because he has been through all this
and yet has never lost hope of being better than he is.
--Paul Coelho