My friend Brandi MacDonald penned a phrase that I am stealing. It’s called “habituation to dysfunction”.
And it’s a very serious phrase because we all have it and it fucks up our lives and everyone in our orbit, in small and not-so-small ways. It means we have lowered or striving in order to “just get by”. It is being good enough. It refers to becoming complacent; to toeing the line, to settling for less than you are. It is what Dr. B.J. Palmer referred to when he spoke of “slipping and checking”. Every person “slips”; we get smug or lazy or take our training for granted. We don’t send the thank you notes, we stop doing weekly lectures, we stop saying “I love you”, we show up late, shrug off complaints, ignore feedback. We eat the sugar, take the drink, hold a resentment. We instead devise alibis and excuses. We stop putting our foot down. We get lax in our workout or eating schedule. We justify, numb, distract and soothe ourselves. We go along with cloudy communication and do not ask to clarify. And there are hundreds of other examples.
Each one of these micro events adds to the whole and the whole is a habit. A habit of dysfunction. And the dysfunction is represented as our poor results, our failed marriage, our lackluster business.
All of us do it. All of us. Because we would spend the entire time introverting and thinking about what we are thinking about. But we need check points. We need accountability partners, we need colleagues on the same path, of the same mindset. And still, it’s not easy. The world at large has been slipping and not checking. And therefore we have a world of weak men, dull-eyed children and angry women.
This is why it is critical to know our ideals in each avenue of our lives. In each sector, be it relationships, finances, health, autodidactic education or legacy, we need to not only create an ideal “true north” but to check that too. When that true north is no longer valid or true enough, we need to update it. And we need systems to check to see that we have slipped.
For example, after not working out one single day for more than a year, I developed a habit of not working out. I felt “fine”, but I was soft, weak, skinny and my self confidence was diminished in other areas of my life. I wasn’t checking, and my habitual dysfunction became a body with poorer health, lowered confidence and chronic fatigue. This bled into my eating, my mental consumption, my finances and my relationships.
Then I began to check. I was aghast at what I had become. Nowhere near the ideal person I had stored in the library of my mind. The checking was painful, for I had let so much time elapse. And the ensuing struggle was no joke. But the pain of living out the rest of my days in this unconscious state was unbearable. I began to reassess. Make up a new true north. Draw lines in the sand. Document it. Sign it. Date it. And set up a system and rules to keep it from happening again.
Habituation to dysfunction is a slow, creeping process, and it is the fodder for many a deathbed regret.
The only antidote to this dysfunction is to correct it in ourselves. Otherwise, how are we to recognize it in others and help them along the way? To quote B.J.Palmer, the Developer of Chiropractic:
“Check until the dog-goned thing hurts you all ways, always. And as careful as we have been, we didn't think we could slip, but we have been; but never again. We are now back on terra firma and we propose to stay here and help every other fellow come through in the same big way that we fought through. We say fought because when any man takes hold of himself and struggles through weak spots within himself, builds them up until they are strong, that is some fight he has to go through. Check until it hurts and your [life] will prosper.” The Bigness of the Fellow Within, Chapter 95, 1949
The correction of habituation to dysfunction can be done alone or with the help of others, but ultimately it is a solo flight. If you’d like a sample list of questions to ask and score, reply to this post and ask!
You can always slip, but you had better be checking!
Love, Dr. Danny